


you broke me first

by mi1kteas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartbreak, M/M, i really like angst haha fight me, i wrote this at 4am what am i doing, iwaizumi gets mad a lot, iwaoi being sad, like a lot, oikawa is an oblivious dumb fuck who does not know what he did
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-30
Updated: 2020-06-30
Packaged: 2021-03-04 07:08:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,031
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24999598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mi1kteas/pseuds/mi1kteas
Summary: after disappearing for 4 years, oikawa finally found iwaizumi again
Relationships: Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru
Comments: 2
Kudos: 27





	you broke me first

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the song: you broke me first - tate mcrae
> 
> i wld rec to listen to the song while reading :)  
> slowed vers is a lot btr imo ;)

_December 14th 2020._

It was currently snowing in London and Oikawa took this opportunity to explore the town that was bursting with energy, _even_ at ten in the night. The orange street lights illuminating the streets provided a warm environment despite the cold weather. Oikawa buried his nose in his scarf and walked around, taking a few pictures here and there to share with his friends and family.

He took a left turn at the end of the street and continued walking, bowing slightly as some of the locals who greeted him with a smile and he felt his heart become lighter, even stopping once in a while to strike a conversation. He took his phone out to check the time and realised it was getting close to eleven and made a mental note to turn back to his hotel when he locked eyes with someone and he felt his eyes go wide and his mouth opened slightly in shock.

Standing at approximately 3 metres away from him stood Iwaizumi Hajime, whose expression resembled the Scream painting, only that his hands were tucked into his coat pockets and not on his cheeks like the painting.

“Hajime?” Oikawa called out as he walked over. The other male stood frozen to the ground, his eyes equally as wide and Iwaizumi immediately turned around to run away when Oikawa grabbed his wrist to stop him.

“Don’t go. Let’s talk please, it’s been 4 years.” Oikawa begged as Iwaizumi struggled to get out of his iron grip, letting out a loud grunt before stopping his actions. Iwaizumi turned around, his nose red from the cold and his eyes darker than before, giving Oikawa the coldest glare that he had ever seen on Iwaizumi’s face. 

“We have nothing to talk about, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi hissed out as he stepped closer to Oikawa, anger written all over his face. Oikawa gave him a sad smile, one that did not even reach his eyes before releasing Iwaizumi’s wrist. “I guess…I still want to talk to you though.” Oikawa said as he stared at Iwaizumi who was still glaring at him, his lips in a thin line. 

“You’re only getting 15 minutes, Oikawa.” Iwaizumi said before he turned away and walked ahead of Oikawa, the latter following behind him quickly with a brighter smile than before. 

Oikawa followed Iwaizumi to a secluded park just a few streets away and the two stood on a small bridge, leaning their bodies against the railing. Oikawa let out a deep sigh and felt his palms becoming sweaty in his pockets at how nervous he was. 

It had been 4 years after all. 4 _exact_ years since Iwaizumi suddenly disappeared after they graduated from high school. And now he was standing right beside him, looking more handsome from before. 

“If you’re not going to talk, I’m leaving.” Iwaizumi pushed himself off the railing and was about to leave when Oikawa grabbed his coat, his fingers gripping the fabric tightly and shaking slightly. Iwaizumi scoffed and went back to leaning against the railing and looked in front of him, unwilling to face Oikawa.

“Why did you disappear on me? It’s been 4 years, Hajime.” Oikawa asked as he looked down at the floor, hiding his frown in his scarf. 

“I just felt like leaving, do you have a problem with that?” Iwaizumi replied and Oikawa could feel his heart break slightly. Iwaizumi’s tone was so distant and cold, it was nothing like he remembered from the past at all. This was not the Iwaizumi Hajime he knew, it was not the Iwaizumi Hajime that he _fell for_. 

“Hajime, don’t give me that shit. Why did you leave?” Oikawa growled out, feeling his patience wearing thin as he turned to face Iwaizumi who was still facing the river in front of them, his expression cold and stoic. “We were happy and then you pull a _fucking_ disappearance on me, and now you’re telling me it was because you felt like it?! What is wrong with you Hajime?!” Oikawa yelled as he felt his heart ache further with every breath that Iwaizumi took, way too calmly as compared to Oikawa’s laboured breathing. 

Iwaizumi let out a bitter chuckle, lifting his head up to give Oikawa a pained look. “What do you want me to say huh? That I got sick and tired of your shit and that’s why I left? Are you sure you can handle that?” Iwaizumi fired back, facing Oikawa fully now and under the bright moonlight, Oikawa could see the harsh lines forming on Iwaizumi’s forehead and the cold eyes that lacked the warmth that Oikawa was so familiar with before.

“W-What do you mean?” Oikawa stuttered out. His heart was beating way too fast and he felt like he could not breathe. Iwaizumi ran a hand through his hair and shook his head, turning to face the river once again.

“You’re still the same, I see.” Iwaizumi commented as he let out a sigh. Oikawa dug his fingernails into his palms to stop himself from tearing up, biting his bottom lip harshly. “You’re not explaining, Hajime.” Oikawa muttered out and Iwaizumi almost missed it due to the soft volume.

“Fine. I’ll tell you now that I left because I got tired of your shit Oikawa. Do you remember the night of our graduation party?” Oikawa nodded his head, his mind taking him back to the day of the party where some of the third years gathered together to celebrate one last time as a whole group. Oikawa and Iwaizumi were invited and Oikawa had a lot of fun, he really did. 

Iwaizumi on the other hand, was _nowhere to be found_ after a while. 

“You were gone after a while though, I tried to find you and call you but you weren’t picking up your phone.” Oikawa said as he leaned his back against the railing, staring at trees. “I didn’t want to talk to you.” Iwaizumi replied and Oikawa felt a pinch in his heart.

“Why did I not want to talk to you? Simple. You were doing something I didn’t like so I left and isolated myself.” Oikawa frowned slightly. _Something Hajime didn’t like? What could I ha- Oh._ “You saw it didn’t you? The kiss with Yumi.” 

Iwaizumi let out a dry laugh and Oikawa winced slightly at how empty and painful it sounded. “You’re right. It was the kiss with Yumi. I didn’t get to congratulate you though, she was the most popular girl in school and you managed to get her.” Iwaizumi gritted out, looking at Oikawa who was looking back at him with a guilty look.

“Yumi and I never dated, Hajime. It’s dif-”

“We never dated Oikawa.” Iwaizumi cut him off harshly, his eyes now glassy and he was shaking a little bit. “We _never_ dated, there is no difference. The way you kissed her was the same as how you kissed me that day on my birthday. Stop fucking with me.” 

Oikawa was _stunned_. “H-Hajime...It is different. I love you.” Oikawa mumbled out as he took sight of Iwaizumi’s face. Iwaizumi’s eyes were glassy and his eyelashes were slightly damp from his tears. His nose and cheeks were rosey red from the cold and his lips were slightly chapped. 

“Don’t say that. Don’t, just fucking don’t Oikawa. You kept doing that to me, you know? Holding me tight and telling me how much you love me while you held hands and hugged other girls. I know you hated to talk about your real emotions but you should have told me you were thinking about someone else.” Iwaizumi said and Oikawa felt his heart shatter.

“There was no one else, it was only you. It had always been you!” Oikawa shouted as he gripped the railing with his hands tightly, staring down at the river that was reflecting his frustrated and pained expression back at him.

“STOP! You’re always like this, even now! When shit don’t go your way, you needed me to fix it and I always fucking do because it’s _me_! But you know what, I eventually ran out of reasons to do so and I left! Why can’t you accept the truth and stop fighting to have it your way!” Iwaizumi yelled back, slamming his fist against the railing. 

“Because you’re wrong, you’re _so_ wrong. I love you Hajime, we can go back to what we had. We can make it work if you give it another chance, please. It was always you, _always_ …I miss you and everything we had.” Oikawa grabbed Iwaizumi by the shoulder and turned Iwaizumi to face him, his eyes searching for any form of warmth or fondness on Iwaizumi’s face, but there was none.

Iwaizumi was mad and Oikawa could tell. His breathing was getting ragged and his eyebrows were furrowed.

“Are you being serious right now, Oikawa Tooru?! I can’t believe you! Do you remember how back then when people would ask if we were dating, what you had said? You said you’re not gay and that you would never fall for me because we are _just_ best friends! Even when you held me and told me you love me everyday, you would tell others that!” Iwaizumi hollered and took a deep breath. He shook his head and laughed wetly, tears streaming down his face as he opened his mouth to continue.

“And now here you are, asking for everything back? Can I _please_ ask where the _fuck_ did you get the nerve to do that? What in the world made you think I will let that happen? I told you, I’m sick of giving in and letting you have what you want!” Iwaizumi spat as he stared at Oikawa’s crestfallen expression, his eyes filled with nothing but pain and Oikawa felt his stomach churn at that sight and his heart twisted violently.

Oikawa hated that look on Iwaizumi, he hated it even more now that he knows he is the _cause_ of it. 

“Iwa-chan…” Iwaizumi cut him off with a soft ‘don’t call me that’ and Oikawa resisted the urge to punch himself in the face. Iwaizumi won’t even allow him to call him the nickname he had been calling Iwaizumi since they were kids and something about that tore Oikawa apart more.

“Please Hajime...I’m sorry I _really_ am. Please give me one last chance to make things work between us. This is breaking me, I'm so fucking broken.” Oikawa begged even though begging was the number one thing he hated to do in his life, but for Iwaizumi, he was willing to do anything just for the other boy to take him back and let Oikawa love him, even if Oikawa damn well did not deserve it.

Iwaizumi gave Oikawa a broken smile and sniffed.

“Honestly, I could care less about how much you miss us and everything we had. I’m sorry but I can’t do it anymore or ever. It’s not fair to me,” Iwaizumi then let out a soft but bitter chuckle before lifting his head up to look deep into Oikawa’s longing eyes. 

_“You broke me first.”_

Another fresh set of tears ran down Iwaizumi’s face and Oikawa reached out to wipe them away but Iwaizumi took a step back to avoid it. 

“Move on, Tooru. It’s better for the both of us if we never talk or try again. Goodbye and I wish nothing but the best for you in the future, even if it does not have me in it anymore.”

Iwaizumi gave Oikawa one last look, this time filled with a mix of pain and love before he walked away. Oikawa watched as Iwaizumi took his leave, his vision getting blurrier as Iwaizumi’s silhouette grew smaller and smaller.

When Oikawa blinked, the first set of tears fell and Iwaizumi was _gone_.

* * *

**_grief, i've learned, is really just love._ **

**_it's all the love you want to give, but cannot._ **

**_all that unspent love gathers up i_** **_n the corner of your eyes,_ **

**_the lump in your throat,_ **

**_and in that hollow part of your chest._ **

**_Grief is just love with no place to go._ **

**_\- jamie anderson -_ **

**Author's Note:**

> i love oikawa istg i rlly fucking do but i had to do it - i m sry  
> this was a mess to write because i was a mess when writing but hey ! i got it out !! 
> 
> thku for reading and pls do stay safe <3


End file.
